Resolutions

So, I was at the gym today, on the treadmill while listening to some Ice Cube pandora. Something came to mind as I could feel my feet cramp, and my man boobs bounce around after a meezly 10 minutes of running. Why do I do this to myself every year?  Why do I come to the gym at the time of year everyone else is doing the same thing?  First of all I was trying to find an open bench press to work on said saggy tits, when I noticed a young gentleman that had been on the same bench the whole time I was there. He had a Macklemore haircut, thick wood framed glasses, a mustache, and a really "cute" striped tank top, that he had altered further to see his tattoos.  Now all that stuff I am fine with, but then he started to do pull ups, and while he was doing them had his head on a swivel like an nfl linebacker looking to make sure everyone was seeing him get his swole on. I kept on people watching as I ate a piece of pizza (hey it was free).  I know it is my problem and I'm the one who is at fault when I let people bug me, but I couldn't help it. Guy on elliptical machine talking as loud as possible about some business deal on his star trek like lit up bluetooth. Dude on ab machine that decides to not wipe down the seat so as to leave his nut butter for every one to sit in. Girl curling while making Serena Williams tennis sexual noises. Old lady with her saggy side boobs hanging out. And hey old man, we do not want to see your huge saggy balls in the locker room. I made a resolution, I know I will never be in great shape due to how much food I eat and dieting is not an option, but I promised myself this year I will get in good enough shape so when next New Years comes around I can skip the first 2 to 3 weeks of working out.  That is my new years resolution, that and somehow figure out how to off the makers of The Bachelor that my wife is watching it right now.  It makes me want to hurl.